Reflective Reading | Wish you could hear me . . .
A Letter from a Son to His Mother…(very sad letter)
reflective reading
Wish you could hear me . . .
For the first time, allow me to thank you for all the love that you have given me especially when I was a child, sickly and difficult. I remember you coming from your factory work, dead tired, but you still managed to go to the market, cooked and cared for me. I always saw you because I was just there playing with my friends. I saw you coming home with vegetables and fish which, when cooked, I ate with a sour face because I wanted something more delicious.
I don’t remember the day without a single complaint about you or about the life that we lived. But I also do not remember any word of gratitude from me for all that you were doing for us. My other brothers and sisters tried their best to help you. They sold things and engaged themselves even in contractual jobs to help you survive the family. It was hard not having a father around. I could still remember the day when he left us for another woman. You were trying to be brave, you talked to each one of us with the appeal to make things work out and do our best to keep the rest of us together. The family became incomplete without Tatay, but you tried to serve as mother and father. You were there to make a family among us. You were never bitter, you were never hard on us. But you were so hard on yourself in terms of not having even a little luxury of buying a new blouse for you. You always bought things for us first. And there I was, still complaining because I wanted more expensive things for me. And yet, you did not express any hurt feelings even if I knew that deep inside you were crying. You encouraged us to go to school, like my other brothers and sisters who were working students. I refused vehemently, I just wanted to hang around and have an easy life. I was lazy. Probably, I did not know what goodness was because I did not know how to be grateful. I wanted a better life but did not like to work for it.
A month ago, you came home chilling with fever from a forced overtime work. I attended to you for a while but went back across the street where I was playing basketball with friends. I hardly looked at you when you were there lying in one corner of the house. After four days of sickness, you got up and prepared for work. I did not even ask you if you were already well. I did not even help you carry the pail of water for your bath. You went back to work just to come back home in the evening pale and almost without life. You did not like to go to the doctor. You said that the money that we had was for next semester, in case I want to enroll for school. You said that you will be alright.
The next day, you did not get up. My older sister cooked breakfast. Afterwards, she asked me to see if you were already awake. As I approached you, there was a strange feeling. You were sleeping quietly. Very quiet. I looked at you and you were lying down calmly and peacefully. As I got near you, I felt a pounding on my chest. For the first time, I prayed for you, that God will open your eyes and say the usual morning greetings to me with the loving reminder that I should eat breakfast on time. With bended knees I touched you, and called you, but you did not seem to hear. I embraced you but you did not seem to feel. I whispered to you that I wanted to take care of you but no response at all. Deep within me, I knew why you cannot hear, speak or feel me anymore. All I saw was a body, with a face that was calm but still could not hide the pains and struggles of a woman who tried her best to give us a family in spite of her limitations.
As you lie down in peace before we bring you to your final rest, I would like to tell you, for the first time how grateful I am to you for being a mother to me, for giving us a taste of a family. Thank you for all the love that you have given me and us all. For the first and last time, I want to tell you I LOVE YOU and THANK YOU.
The sad thing is that it does not matter anymore whether it is my first or last time to say those words to you… Wish you could hear me say those words to you, wish I was able to say them to you a long time ago… NANAY, I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH, AND THANK YOU.
Story written for SUHAY
By LMCollado, RSCJ
